Thursday, May 13, 2010

Lessons Learned are never learned

I sit here sadly and chuckle at myself, I have to, or my mind will take me down paths of day dreams, happy endings and such things that are best left alone. School has become a struggle, as I am not mentally there anymore. I have to wonder, what is the use of having something when it brings you nothing. Will this bring me gratification, happiness, wholeness, peace? I think not! I know not! For such things are elusive, and not of this world apparently for there is no such thing as miracles!

I realize now I cannot save the world, when I cannot save my own self and or others from pain, sorrow, disappointment, shame or even humiliation. I am no super hero, I cry, I bleed, breath, I desire and so much more, but to what end?

I once was so bold I told someone “There is nothing that cannot be said or done to me that I cannot handle, as I have heard it all, and been faced with it all”. I know I will never be so arrogant again. I have such a tired soul anymore; I just do not know what to do. Which way is up, down, left, or right.

My only solace is that when it is my time, maybe God will not reject me, for I am human, although not such a good one. Lol… I will not hold my breath for I am sure even He will turn his back on me as well, and there will be no peace.


Joyful said...

God will not turn His back on you though you might turn His back on Him. Please don't.

John 6:37 All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. . . . (39) And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day.

If you're feeling lost, disoriented, not sure what to do next, simply wait and don't lose hope. Ask God each day to reveal His will and purpose, to open doors for you to walk through and to close those that he doesn't want you to go down as they divert you from your purpose. Sometimes it's a struggle. There is no magic. You simply put one foot in front of the other each and every day and God will ultimately show you the pattern and path as for why this or that had to happen to bring you to this place that you are at. In our time on earth, He is perfecting us and that means going through a lot of trial and error, struggle and refinement. At the end is pure gold and silver and precious jewels.

God bless you and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace. Shalom

Michelle Massaro said...

It sounds like you are going through a dark time; I'm sorry to hear that. I am praying that the Lord reveals Himself to you very soon!